Tagged: sad
The Faults of a Friend
The only thing I hate more than your passing itself is that you are now forever labeled a drug addict. A drug addict doesn’t get sympathy from strangers. A drug addict’s family and friends aren’t consoled in the same way had the person died a different way. No one cares to hear about anything else a drug addict did with their life, if they tried getting help, or if they were on the right path. It’s all irrelevant because drugs killed them–addiction killed them–not something “tragic” like cancer or a car crash.
But a drug addict was not my friend. Kevin was my friend. The funny, caring, sorta-hippie, smart kid was my friend. I met you as Sober Kevin. The dude at work that I thought was awkwardly straight-edge. The guy that agreed to go for a beer after his year off everything, and had a hilariously low tolerance—he was my friend. The one that we could all count on to go to Norse with, host a bonfire, or go to concerts and bounce around without a care in the world. Kevin.
As time went on, sure you had your faults, as we all do. You never did any wrong to me, but I saw it happening to others that were close to me. Because of that, I withdrew. That’s when the Kevin I knew was turning into someone else. Your actions will never be justified, but that’s what addiction does to a person.
There are people that will never forgive you, people that already have, and those that feel guilty for not being the person to save you. I have nothing to forgive you for, but I don’t feel guilty because I know you would’ve asked for help if you wanted it. You were doing what you wanted to do. You’d snap out of it eventually. I mean…you did before. You just needed time.
Too many people will only ever remember you as the drug addict or the asshole, and it’s not fair. You were so much more than that. Never in a million years did I expect to cry over you, Kev. So I just hope that when you slipped into the darkness, you were comfortable. I hope it felt really fucking good.
Rest easy, my friend.
(I bet you have that smirk on your face right about now—so you better get ready to be slapped by all of us down here when we see you in the next life.)
The 5 Movies You Should Actually Watch After a Breakup
I recently did a search on movies to watch after/during a breakup. They all had the same set of movies and honestly, I disagree with most of them. They’re all movies about relationships failing. That’s not what I want to watch. Relationships are the last thing I want to think about. The point of watching a movie right now is to forget about things and enjoy sitting alone (even though alone is the last thing I want to be.) Funny movies sound like a good option, but sometimes imagining having to sit there and be amused sounds, well, not so great. (I also have this odd fear of watching a funny movie I love when I’m down and never being able to love it again.) So here’s MY list of movies to watch and why.
1. Shrink. (2009).
Why: This has been one of my favorite movies for a few years now. It’s my go-to “Help, I feel helpless” movie. It shows stories about multiple people (which of course intertwine at some point or another) and their struggles. A couple of the characters are dealing with death, and the reason why I can love it is because breakups sort of feel like your significant other died. It does indeed make me cry, but not in the “I will never be happy again” kind of way.
2. Ordinary People. (1980).
Why: This is similar to Shrink in that it makes me cry and the story is based around a death. It portrays real human emotion in multiple ways, and somehow listening to Mary Tyler Moore have a breakdown about something I have never felt makes me feel like I relieved some pent-up emotion I can’t relate to.
3. American Psycho. (2000.)
Why: At least your ex isn’t a psychopath that cut you up. And it’s just a good movie (in the dark sort of way). While watching the sex scenes might make you feel oddly lonely at first, they make you want to keep yourself together before jumping towards the first guy that wants to take you to dinner, or the first that says says something creepy to you at a bar, or the guy that you think is just being funny but is actually telling the truth.
4. Side Effects. (2013).
Why: It follows a woman going through depression, and taking antidepressants. The plot twist, though! The plot twist! It will leave you feeling weird and confused and probably awful–but at least YOU haven’t reached that level. Am I right?! Suspenseful enough to keep you distracted for 100 minutes, disturbing enough to keep you from thinking about anything else the rest of the night.
5. Girl, Interrupted. (1999).
Why: There’s nothing I love more when I’m feeling down than to watch other people doing worse than I am. I can’t be the only one. Plus, we’re talking about Angelina Jolie and Winona Ryder.
Now go distract yourself! Be sad if you need to be sad, just don’t go as insane as these beautifully disturbed people 🙂
Finding My Focus 
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